Monday, June 1, 2020

I want to say - ๐Ÿ“Œ

At the aquarium... 

I asked the docent: "How many species of penguins are there?

Docent: "Hmmmm,  I want to say seventeen."

Me: You want to say seventeen?

Docent: Yes, that is the number I want to say. In fact, I yearn to say seventeen. I am experiencing a powerful urge to say seventeen, but something is holding me back.

Me: So, how many do you think there are?

Docent: Well, there is a strong desire within me to say there are seventeen species of penguins, but I just can't quite get there.

Me: Don't worry; I'll Google it. By the way, what time does the aquarium close?

Friday, May 29, 2020

Bear Caught Salmon - ๐Ÿ“Œ

From Bob Decker, Wilderness Trekker...

Hi, Everyone: I'm here at stream side where insulated metal boxes have been installed on the river banks. As you can see, the local bears are filling them with salmon. When a bear puts his fresh catch in the top of the box, a bowl of porridge comes out of a chute on the side.

With me now is Phil Fobus of Northwest Fisheries. Phil, I hear there is a thriving market for bear-caught salmon.

"That is correct, Bob. Chains like Whole Groceries cater to a clientele that prefers more a more natural method of harvesting. Net-caught salmon, and line-caught salmon leave a big carbon footprint. Not so much with bear-caught salmon. Just some tracks in the mud."

Comments -

Bradly M. - I hear they're out-sourcing this to China because pandas will work for less.

Wednesday, May 27, 2020

Poop-a-pellago ๐Ÿ“Œ

At the dog show...
Pooped Out

National Kennel Club judges were on hand for the fifth annual Poop-a-pellago as canine finalists laid down their renditions of various island chains.

Twelve dogs took to the giant blue mat for the competition. Points were awarded for difficulty, detail, and geographic accuracy.

Buster the Rottweiller, who won last year's contest with his presentation of the Hawaiian Islands, claimed Third Place with a magnificent display of the Galapagos.

Beagle Reginald P. Lancaster chose the Florida Keys as his subject and was proclaimed 1st Runner Up.

The top prize went to Lady Sadie, a French Poodle who dazzled the audience as she deposited a perfect model of the Lesser Antilles.

It wasn't all lollypops and roses, however. When an ambitious Dachshund named Hank tried to extrude all of the Aleutians he had insufficient output and came up two islands short.

Monday, May 25, 2020

Muscle Memory - ๐Ÿ“Œ

On the level... 
Doug's golf coach told him about "muscle memory." The theory is that you learn a particular movement, and you practice until your muscles remember it. Then the movement becomes automatic. So, it seems our muscles have minds of their own.

The trouble is that Doug's muscles don't exactly have total recall. He sets up to hit a drive off the tee, and his muscles have only a vague feeling of dรฉjรก vu.

Friday, May 22, 2020

Worthy Cause - ๐Ÿ“Œ

It's deductable...

I donated fifty dollars to a home for battered fish.

Wednesday, May 20, 2020

That's our show - ๐Ÿ“Œ

From the studio...

The Murky Vista Radio Hour is produced by Hunky Dory with programming assistance from Peachy Keen.

Upsie Daisy is our recording engineer, and our editor is Okee Dokee.

The band leader is Wishy Washy with Ringa Ding on the keyboard, and Catty Wumpus on drums.

Our staff writers are Handy Dandy and Lickety Split.

Special thanks to Topsy Turvey and Willie Nillie for technical assistance.

Our show was brought to you this week by Easy Peasy.

I'm your announcer, Diddly Squat: Thanks for tuning in.

This has been a Slippery Slope presentation.