Monday, July 15, 2019

Muscle Memory -

On the level... 
Doug's golf coach told him about "muscle memory." The theory is that you learn a particular movement and you practice until your muscles remember it. Then the move becomes automatic. So, it seems muscles have minds of their own.

The trouble is that Doug's muscles don't exactly have total recall. He sets up to hit a drive off the tee and his muscles have only a vague feeling of déjá vu.

Friday, July 12, 2019

Rescue Dog -

Out and about...

I took my pooch to the park. A lady with a Spaniel paused to let our dogs sniff each other's butts.

"Is your dog a rescue dog?" the lady asked?

"No, he never rescued anyone," I replied.

"I mean, was your dog rescued?" she asked.

"No," I answered.

"Well, didn't you rescue him?" she asked.

"No, some nice people had some puppies and we took one," I said.

"But your poor dog could have been, abandoned, abused, and on the brink of a horrible death, right?" she pressed.

"Unlikely," I said.

"Then you did rescue him from horrible possibilities," she concluded with some satisfaction.

"Probably not," I said, walking on down the path.

"Yes, sir!" the lady called after me, "That is one lucky rescue dog you have there."

Wednesday, July 10, 2019

Soccer goals -

Heads, you win...

On Sunday, twenty-two professional soccer players tried to put a ball through either of two goals. Each goal opening was a gaping eight feet high and twenty-four feet wide. 

And yet, after ninety minutes of world-class play, and after taking almost forty shots directly at those giant openings, the two teams  managed to scored only three times. Not three times each, three times total. 

What's more, one of the points was scored by a player who inadvertently kicked a ball into his opponent's net. which. as any soccer fan will tell you, is not an unusual occurrence. Soccer goals are so haphazard they seem to be lucky accidents. 

And whenever a ball finally careened into a goal, nobody was more surprised than the players. They jumped around in gleeful jubilance like people who had just won the lottery. 

And that brings me to the following idea: When they toss the coin at the start of the game, why not let that decide the winner right there. The outcome would be just as valid and everyone could start victory celebrations ninety minutes sooner. 

Monday, July 8, 2019

Proof of God -

Clear as day...

Simply look at our ears for evidence of God's handiwork. The Lord knew that one day man would invent eyeglasses. Notice how He placed our ears perfectly to hold our eyeglasses. That's the kind of detail that can only be explained by Intelligent Design. And that means God.

Comments -

Frank E.  -  I just noticed that the spaces between my big toes and the next toes are bigger then the spaces between my other toes, and just right for wearing flip-flops. OMG!

Friday, July 5, 2019

Half to Death - A Murky Memo

Best practices...

To: Fourth-Grade Teachers
From: Flora Frubb, District Math Guru

Student interest goes up when you personalize math lessons. Try using your students' names in word problems. Here's an example:

Marcos went to the beach. In the water he saw a stingray that scared him half to death. Next, he saw a jellyfish that scared him three-eights to death. If Marcos sees a shark, what fraction of a scare would it take to finish off poor Marcos?

Get creative and have fun,


Wednesday, July 3, 2019

Pledging Allegiance -

Another thing... 

By the time they are out of sixth grade, American kids have pledged allegiance to the flag over a thousand times, but that's hardly enough because pledging drops off after that.

As citizens, we must keep up with pledging from our teenage years right on through old age, and the easiest way to accomplish this is online.

Starting soon, the Pledge of Allegiance will pop up whenever anyone opens Amazon, You Tube, or Facebook. Just click on Agree and faster than you can say, "one nation under God," you're good. 

And, with one more Supreme Court appointment, we can start doing this with the Ten Commandments.