Friday, July 10, 2020

More Than Happy - πŸ“Œ

On the town...

I asked our waiter to bring some water. He said, “I’d be more than happy to.” Apparently, bringing water doesn’t just make him happy. It makes him more than happy. But I’m left to wonder, how much more? Is he thrilled? Elated? Jubilant? He doesn’t say.

All we know is that he is somewhere beyond happiness. Perhaps he is gleeful, ecstatic, or joyful. Bringing water might make him overjoyed. Like, his joy runneth over. How much over? We can only guess.

Wednesday, July 8, 2020

Tooth Fairy - πŸ“Œ

A question...

If children can get cash for lost teeth, why stop there?

Say a child gets a haircut. He could put the snipped-off hair in a Ziploc, and put it under his pillow, and get some cash from the Hair Fairy.

How about money for clipped fingernails? Or tonsils? And what kid hasn't fallen off a bicycle and skinned his knee? A few days later there is a big crusty scab. Don't you think that should be worth at least five bucks to the Scab Fairy?

Monday, July 6, 2020

Idea Man - πŸ“Œ

Spotlight on...

Meet Fontis Fornortner, the idea man who almost made it big, twice. After hundreds of small and pointless inventions, Fornortner came up with WD-39. Yes, he was that close to the winning formula for a water-displacing lubricant. It seemed that just missing the mark was to be his destiny.

Perhaps his biggest miss happened when he worked for an ad agency. Competition was tough for the Dairy Council account. Fornortner was to present his proposal for a commercial slogan to a packed board room. His Power Point showed a plate of cookies, then his slogan: have milk?

The dairy execs jumped to their feet and burst into cheers of approval followed by sustained applause. Fornortner beamed with pride as they shook his hand and patted him on the back. Then, as everyone settled down, another ad man said, "Or, we could say - got milk?" And the rest, as you know, is history.

Saturday, July 4, 2020

Pledging Allegiance - πŸ”

Another thing... 

By the time they are out of sixth grade, American kids have pledged allegiance to the flag over a thousand times, but that's hardly enough because pledging drops off after that.

As citizens, we must keep up with pledging from our teenage years right on through old age, and the easiest way to accomplish this is online.

Starting soon, the Pledge of Allegiance will pop up whenever you open your browser. Just click on Agree and faster than you can say one nation under God, you're good.

Wednesday, July 1, 2020

The Winnie Question -

Another puzzlement...

Why do we call him Winnie the Pooh?

Do we really need to distinguish him from other Winnies? Are we likely to confuse Winnie the Pooh with Winnie the Rat, Winnie the Snake, or Winnie the Wildebeest? 

The same goes for Felix, Smokey and Jabba.

But, you don't see that for Daffy and Mickey because Duck and Mouse are their last names, respectively. The same goes for Donald and Mighty?

Monday, June 29, 2020

PiΓ±ata Abuse - πŸ“Œ

A true story...

I was walking the dogs around the neighborhood park when I noticed a little kid's birthday party, and the most barbaric ritual. 

The adults had strung up Winnie the Pooh. The beloved icon of childhood swung in the breeze and smiled down innocently at the kids - the same kids who had often snuggled with their Pooh Bears and drifted off to slumber feeling safe and contented. Now they were being directed to whack Winnie with a stick.

I walked on thinking how confusing this must be for little kids. Farther down the path I saw some children giving a terrible beating to Sponge Bob.