Friday, May 17, 2019

Litter Logic -

On the level...

We're dropping my father-in-law at the airport. He's getting his bag from the trunk when he sees a folded paper on the ground. Did he drop it? Could it be his tickets?

He picks up the paper and unfolds it. It's just some pamphlet. He drops it back to the pavement.

Dad doesn't consider this littering because the pamphlet had already been dropped by someone else. It was pre-littered. So Dad thinks it's perfectly alright to return the paper to where he found it - as if he had never picked it up.

Wednesday, May 15, 2019

Biker Fight -

News and reviews...

Rival biker gangs got into a melee at Buck's Beer & Burgers on Friday afternoon. Dozens of motorcycle club members were arrested for shooting, stabbing, and leaving without paying for their meals.

"They didn't seem like the type to dine and dash," said restaurant manager Hank Fontain. "Since they all had big wallets chained to their pants, I figured they must have plenty of cash."

Local Police were prepared for trouble at Buck's and collected over three dozen weapons, and more than a mile of wallet chains.


1. Buck's Beer & Burgers

142 reviews

I took my kids to Buck's and the burgers were great, but some bikers in the next booth got rather loud and started throwing punches. Someone fired a two shots into the floor, and a bloody ear landed on our table. So one star off for gunfire, and one off for the bloody ear.

Monday, May 13, 2019

Tooth Fairy -

A question...

If children can get cash for lost teeth, why stop there?

Say a child gets a haircut. He could put the snipped-off hair in a Ziploc, and put it under his pillow, and get some cash from the Hair Fairy.

How about money for clipped fingernails? Or tonsils? And what kid hasn't fallen off a bicycle and skinned his knee? A few days later there is a big crusty scab. Don't you think that should be worth at least five bucks to the Scab Fairy?

Friday, May 10, 2019

Missionary Undoing -

Field Report...

Floyd Frock has spent decades in Africa, following behind missionaries from village to village, undoing their work as he goes. 

"It really isn't that difficult to restore a tribe's original beliefs," said Frock. "I ask them to tell me something about the white man's religion. Then I ask, 'Kwa nini mungu kufanya hivyo?' which means, 'Why would God do that?'"

Frock continued, "While the natives are scratching their heads, I quietly hand a rattle to their former Shaman and he takes if from there. Somebody gets out a drum and everyone happily goes back to their traditional ways."

"But not so far back as cannablism," says Frock, "I tell them, if they must cook people, just enjoy the broth.

Wednesday, May 8, 2019

Bathroom Pass -

Just asking... 

Can you think of a better way to spread germs than the bathroom pass? Teachers, who certainly know about germs, require little children to take the wood or plastic pass with them to the bathroom.

The children put the pass on the sink while they do their business. Then they drop it on the floor, and after they don't wash their hands, they carry it back to the classroom and hang it back on the hook, where it waits, teeming with germs, for the next child who needs to go to the bathroom.

Monday, May 6, 2019

Scrabble for Life -

Senior news...

Since introducing Scrabble Junior™, the makers of the popular word game have seen sales skyrocket. "Children enjoy the larger tiles and simplified board," says company president, Quincy Quaid.

Now the company has released Senior Scrabble™for older folks. It also features larger tiles and simplified board. "Actually," explained Quaid, "Senior Scrabble is just Scrabble Junior in a different box."

To reach the aging game-player market, the company will soon introduce See's Candy Land, and by the holidays we should see ADA Chutes and Ladders.