Wednesday, October 21, 2020

Fatal Fractions - 🎃

To: Fourth-Grade Teachers
From: Flora Fustabustus, District Math Guru
RE: Handy Tip

Student interest goes up when you personalize math lessons. Try using your students' names in word problems. 

Here's an example:

Marie went to the Halloween Carnival. Inside the Haunted House she saw a Vampire that scared her half to death. Next, she saw a Zombie that scared her three-eights to death. If Marie met a Werewolf, what fraction of a scare would it take to finish off poor Marie?

Be Creative and have fun,


Monday, October 19, 2020

Out of Focus - 🎓

From the principal's desk...

To: All Teachers
From: Frank Flapp, Principal
Re: Focus Statement

At our last staff meeting we had resumed discussing the first sentence of our Focus Statement and whether to say "all children" or "every child" when someone suggested "each child" and we sort of agreed on that, but now I am thinking maybe "every student" or perhaps "each and every student" would be better. Bring your ideas to the next meeting.

We must have our Focus Statement written this year so we can turn our attention to updating our school's Vision Statement for next year and after that, it will be time to revise our Mission Statement. No time to waste.

Friday, October 16, 2020

Outside the Box - 🎓

A clarification...
To: Murky Vista Elementary Teachers
From: Dr. Flumsy, Principal

There seems to be some confusion following our last staff meeting where I said you should think outside the of box and that we should all be on the same page.

Let me clarify my message about 'thinking outside the box'. I simply meant that we should cast off old assumptions about teaching methods. I did not mean to encourage creativity, originality, innovation, or independent thinking on your part. All of that has been done for you. We want uniformity, consistency, and same-pageness.

In retrospect, I should have instructed you to think outside the old box, and to think inside the new box. I hope this clears things up.

Murky Memos for teachers are posted every Wednesday.

Wednesday, October 14, 2020

New Report Card - 🎓

Letter to the teacher...

Dear Mr. Ficklesworth,

Thank you for sending Felonia's report card home. I know report cards have changed, but I'm puzzled by some of the terms. 
For example, in math you checked the box for “exceeding mastery at below grade-level expectations."

In language arts my daughter was “approaching proficiency in advanced remedial areas," and for science Felonia was “surpassing near competency." About history you indicated “receding progress has improved."

Then there were scores for over fifty tests, exams, and quizzes under the heading of Malevolent Measures. The whole thing made me dizzy. 
Can we meet next week to discuss how Felonia is doing in school? She is passing, isn’t she?


Mrs. Fenortner

Monday, October 12, 2020

No Stupid Questions - 🎓

Tip for instructors...

Say you're teaching a CPR class for adults. You want participants to freely engage so you say, "Don't be shy; there are no stupid questions." 

A few minutes later a student interrupts to ask, "What if the victim dies and ends up with brain damage?"  

And you say, "Let's change the ground rules here. Don't ask questions. Just take notes."

Friday, October 9, 2020

Achievement Gap - 🎓

Call to action...

To: All teachers
From: Dr. Flumsy, Principal
Re: Closing the Achievement Gap

I just received Murky Vista's 2019 CST scores and once again our more-advantaged students scored higher than our less-advantaged students. Despite our best efforts, we are failing to close the Achievement Gap. Perhaps it’s time for a different approach.

So far, we've been trying to raise the low scores. Maybe it would be easier to lower the high scores. Obviously we can't stop teaching the more-advantaged students completly, but we can confine their instruction to Worst Practices. After all, we don't want to be in violation of the No Child Gets Too Far Ahead Act.

At Friday's staff meeting we will brainstorm ways to keep our more-advantaged students from learning anything new until our less-advantaged kids can catch up. So, put on your thinking caps and bring your best ideas for bad teaching.