Wednesday, January 30, 2019

Gross Indignity -

A Small Request -

Dear Family,

When you are talking to each other about my medical procedure, please don't go into all the details. Simply say, "Ned had some discomfort and now he's recovering as expected."

It isn't necessary to mention any liquids, solids, or semi-solids that may have been spewed, spurted, coughed up, or squeezed out of my body. There is no reason to describe various substances that might have drained, dripped, oozed, gushed, or otherwise been expelled by me. Just report, "Ned is making progress."

It isn't helpful to explain any bio matter that was, sliced, diced, lasered, tasered, gouged out, or scraped-off of me. Please don't discuss any tubes, scopes, or probes that were pushed down, shoved up, or yanked out of any orifice, nor reveal any discharge of slime, sludge, or sewage that required wiping off, sponging off, mopping up, or hosing down.

You may think it's necessary to describe the consistency of my stool, but it's damn embarrassing to me. So, please: thank everyone for asking and tell them, "Ned is recuperating nicely." And that's all you need to say.

Thank you, Ned