Wednesday, June 9, 2021

Hands Off -

Customer complaint...

Looking at restaurant menus, you'd think diners wanted their food to be handled as much as possible.

The battered fish is hand dipped.
The hamburger patties are hand-formed.
And the oysters are hand-shucked.

Menus list hand-pulled pork, hand-leafed lettuce, and hand-stacked sandwiches.

Don't they have any ladles, forks, or spatulas? I don't want hand-tossed salad. Please use tongs.

The tacos are hand-rolled, and the chicken is hand-stuffed, and everything else is hand-drizzled, hand-sprinkled, hand-stirred, smeared, slathered, cracked, filled, or layered.

Listen, Restaurant People: I don't want my food handmade, handcrafted, or even handled. Just keep your hands off. That's why we have utensils, for crying out loud.