Wednesday, October 17, 2018

Fatal Fractions -

To: Fourth-Grade Teachers
From: Flora Fustabustus, District Math Guru
RE: Handy Tip

Student interest goes up when you personalize math lessons. Try using your students' names in word problems. 

Here's an example:

Marie went to the Halloween Carnival. Inside the Haunted House she saw a Vampire that scared her half to death. Next, she saw a Zombie that scared her three-eights to death. If Marie met a Werewolf, what fraction of a scare would it take to finish off poor Marie?

Be Creative and have fun,


Monday, October 15, 2018

Gross Inflation -

A timely tip...

Are you accumulating more Halloween crap each year? Now you can simplify your October decorating with giant inflatable yard displays.

Just throw a few frightful forms on your front lawn, run a few extension cords, and you're done. 

After Halloween the fun continues as you switch out Dracula for an inflated Santa. And it's just as easy to pack up Frankenstein's Laboratory and plug in a complete Bethlehem Manger Scene.

Friday, October 12, 2018

Biker Fight -

News and reviews...

Rival biker gangs got into a melee at Buck's Beer & Burgers on Friday afternoon. Dozens of motorcycle club members were arrested for shooting, stabbing, and leaving without paying for their meals.

"They didn't seem like the type to dine and dash," said restaurant manager Hank Fontain. "Since they all had big wallets chained to their pants, I figured they must have plenty of cash."

Local Police were prepared for trouble at Buck's and collected over three dozen weapons, and more than a mile of wallet chains.


1. Buck's Beer & Burgers

142 reviews

I took my kids to Buck's and the burgers were great, but some bikers in the next booth got rather loud and started throwing punches. Someone fired a two shots into the floor, and a bloody ear landed on our table. So one star off for gunfire, and one off for the bloody ear.

Wednesday, October 10, 2018

Okay with Lactose -

Get this...

Today my doctor said I'm lactose intolerant. That's ridiculous. I've never had anything against lactose.

Oh, sure, lactose can be a little annoying, and I may have been a tad impatient with it at times, but, intolerant? Never.

You just name one time when I said anything bad about lactose. Have you ever heard me telling lactose jokes? Of course not.

I'm fine with lactose. I even get along with sucrose, fructose, glucose, and all the other -oses. Except dextrose. I will not put up with dextrose. Dextrose is where I draw the line.

Monday, October 8, 2018

Ants To Go -

In the neighborhood... 
Ants are a big problem in or neighborhood. Everybody is trying to get rid of the pesky devils. The guy next door is having his house tented. 
He said we could bring our ants over and have them killed at the same time.

Friday, October 5, 2018

More Than Happy -

On the town...

I asked our waiter to bring some water. He said, “I’d be more than happy to.” Apparently, bringing water doesn’t just make him happy. It makes him more than happy. But I’m left to wonder, how much more? Is he thrilled? Elated? Jubilant? He doesn’t say.

All we know is that he is somewhere beyond happiness. Perhaps he is gleeful, ecstatic, or joyful. Bringing water might make him overjoyed. How much over? We can only guess.