Friday, April 27, 2018

Total Baloney #6 - It wasn't his time...

Have you heard this dopey saying?

I guess it wasn't his time to go.

Floyd Flounder was the sole survivor when Fatal Airways Flight 454 crashed, killing fifty-five passengers and crew. "I was praying the whole time." gasped Floyd, "God was watching out for me. It's a miracle that I am still alive. I guess it wasn't my time to go." 

Well, I'm pretty sure Floyd wasn't the only person who was praying as the DC-4 fell into an alfalfa field near Fresno. The real miracle is how fifty-five other people who had exactly the same "time to go" managed to get on the same flight. 

And what about their Guardian Angels?

See Monday's post - About Guardian Angels

Wednesday, April 25, 2018

Out of Focus - a Murky Memo

From the principal's desk...

To: All Teachers
From: Frank Flapp, Principal
Re: Focus Statement

At our last staff meeting we had resumed discussing the first sentence of our Focus Statement and whether to say "all children" or "every child" when someone suggested "each child" and we sort of agreed on that, but now I am thinking maybe "every student" or perhaps "each and every student" would be better. Bring your ideas to the next meeting.

We must have our Focus Statement written this year so we can turn our attention to updating our school's Vision Statement for next year and after that, it will be time to revise our Mission Statement. No time to waste.

Murky Memos for teachers are posted every Wednesday.

Monday, April 23, 2018

Biker Fight -

News and reviews...

Rival biker gangs got into a melee at Buck's Beer & Burgers on Friday afternoon. Dozens of motorcycle club members were arrested for shooting, stabbing, and leaving without paying for their meals.

"They didn't seem like the type to dine and dash," said restaurant manager Hank Fontain. "Since they all had big wallets chained to their pants, I figured they must have plenty of cash."

Local Police were prepared for trouble at Buck's and collected over two hundred guns and knives, and more than two miles of wallet chains.


1. Buck's Beer & Burgers

142 reviews

I took my kids to Buck's and the burgers were great, but some bikers in the next booth got rather loud and started throwing punches. Someone fired a two shots into the floor, and a bloody ear landed on our table. So one star off for gunfire, and one off for the bloody ear.

Sunday, April 22, 2018

Papal Surprise - Sunday Extra

From St. Paul Parish...✞ 

The pope just revealed a loophole in the biblical requirements for going to Hell and Satan is not happy about the sudden change.

"He can't say a young boy's atheist father gets a free pass just because he was a good dad," complained the Fallen Angel, "That's not the way it works."

Satan was referring to His Holiness taking a question from a boy who had heard all non-believers would burn in Hell forever. The Pontiff tossed the question to a group of theologians (children, actually) who replied that God wouldn't send a good dad to Hell, even if he were an atheist, and the Pontiff agreed.

Which has really pissed off Satan: "My job is hard enough without half the heathens in Hades applying for a 'good dad' exemption."

✞ Based on a published statement by Pope Frances given at St. Paul Parish, April 19, 2018

See more Papal Surprises on right sidebar ↠

Friday, April 20, 2018

Total Baloney #5 - You only regret...

Have you heard this dopey saying?

You only regret what you didn't do.

Tell that to Frank Flugg who got ten years in the slammer for something he did do. Frank robbed a bank. Naturally, Frank regrets robbing the bank, but he will get out in five to seven years. 

It could have been worse. Frank had plans to kidnap a rich kid for ransom. That could have gotten him the chair. As he sits in his cell, reflecting on his life, Frank doesn't regret not snatching the kid. 

Neither does he regret not hijacking a car, not smuggling drugs, not passing counterfeit money, or not doing any of the other crimes that were once on his bucket list. And every time he hears that dopey saying about only regretting what you didn't do, Frank just rolls his eyes and thinks about his next parole hearing.


Elizabeth -
I will never regret NOT marrying Steve. He married someone else and killed her with an ax.  Then he wiped out her whole family, except for one uncle. I guess it wasn't the uncle's time to go.

Next Friday - Total Baloney #6 - "It wasn't his time to go."

Wednesday, April 18, 2018

Bee Problem - a Murky Memo

Staff notice...

To: Murky Vista Elementary School - All Staff
From: Dr. Flumsy, Principal
RE: Bee problem

We all know what happened to Mrs. Fleasy last week with the bees. Hopefully, she will return to her classroom in time to prepare her students for the Standardized Cumulative Assessment and Rating Yardstick, or as I like to call it, the SCARY test.

Update on the bees: the maintenance guys located the hive deep within the walls of Room F-6. However, the usual methods of removal have been unsuccessful. Advice was sought on a cost-effective, natural remedy to this dangerous infestation.

On Monday a contractor will introduce approximately one hundred black widow spiders into the spaces between the walls. Since spiders eat bee larvae, everything should be back to normal soon.