Wednesday, March 3, 2021

So, Sue Me - 🔔

Crime report...

Harold Smith is not worried. Yes, he was arrested for stealing campaign funds, and the feds threatened to sue his pants off, but Smith has plenty of other pants.

Even when he was told the judge was going to throw the book at him, Smith just laughed.

Said Smith, "I was hoping for a slap on the wrist, but even if the book hits me right on the nose, that's a lot better than prison time."

Monday, March 1, 2021

Under the bus - 🔔

From our nation's capitol...

Public transportation ground to a halt in Washington, D.C., as the number of people being thrown under busses reached a new high. Maintenance crews were busy jacking up the busses and removing mangled bodies. 

"It's mostly Republicans," said Metro Transit spokesman, Otis Aster, "We've got half of the GOP clogging up bus wheels all over town."

Aster declined to predict when normal service might resume.

Friday, February 26, 2021

Side Stabber - 🔔

Unkindest cut...

As a seasoned political advisor, Wayne knew to watch out for Back Stabbers, an ever-present threat, especially in politics. However, he never suspected the lesser-known, and even more insidious threat: Side Stabbers.

Wayne had encountered Wedgie Givers, Noogie Givers, Butt Kickers, and Two-finger Eye Pokers. He had even been pantsed, twice. But worst of all was the Side Stabbing. Because it was a thrust delivered by Dusty Higgs, who for over twenty years had been Wayne's right-hand man.

Wednesday, February 24, 2021

Hush money - 🔔

In the news...

 A Las Vegas hooker is offering the former president cash to stop talking. 

Ashleigh Bardot says she was paid eighty thousand dollars in 1999 to keep quiet.

"I saved my hush money in case I ever wanted to make someone hush," said Bardot, "I'll give it all back if the man will just shut up."

Monday, February 22, 2021

Freedom to Text - 🔔

In the news...

Texting while driving a car is a form of free speech and therefore protected by the First Amendment of the U. S. Constitution.

That's the theory behind the "Freedom to Text" campaign to overturn California's law against sending text messages while operating a motor vehicle.

"This is the kind of big government over-regulation that is killing our democracy," says citizen advocate, Leo Foister.

Foister warned a slippery slope of regulations that are threatening our rights and destroying our economy. "They won't rest until they confiscate every one of our smart phones," he declared.

Californians who are fed up with government over-reach may send tax-free donations to: Leonard Foister, California Funeral Directors Lobby, Sacramento, CA

Friday, February 19, 2021

Rear Ending - 💘

Do it for her...

Sometime during his advanced years, every husband owes it to his wife to take her for a ride in the car, and crash into the back of another car, hard enough to do some damage, but not so hard as to injure anyone, and by doing so he will fully justify all the times since their honeymoon that she warned him about following too close.