Friday, May 25, 2018

Loose Canonization - Papal Surprise #4

Pope Report...

Last week the Pope promoted two children to sainthood because they claimed to have seen the Virgin Mary. This made a big impression on the students at Holy Mother Catholic School and one student in particular.

The next day, young Tommy Williams reported having had a similar vision to his teacher, Ms. Brown, and said he should be made a saint too. The problem was that Tommy didn't see the Virgin Mary. He saw Noah.

Ms. Brown marched Tommy to the office where Sister Sternweather explained that seeing Noah did not count for sainthood and besides, Tommy would have to perform a miracle.

Tommy was not discouraged. He pointed to a recent math test on which he had received an "A" and Mrs. Brown had to admit that Tommy's getting an "A" in anything was indeed a miracle.

Sister Sternworthy was not amused. She got the Pope on the phone. His Holiness told Tommy that the rules for canonization are not carved in stone, that seeing Noah was pretty cool, and how would Tommy like to be the Patron Saint of flood victims?

Wednesday, May 23, 2018

Smelly Methods - A Murky Memo

Helpful reminder...

To: All teachers
From: Dr. Flumsy, Principal
Re: Odor Support

Have you been meeting the needs of your olfactory learners? Please remember to differentiate for every possible learning modality as you plan your daily lessons. That means using Parallel Teaching Strategies for each and every visual, auditory, kinesthetic, and olfactory learner in your classroom.

If you need any olfactory-based materials, such as a Scratch & Sniff science kits, Whiff-O-Math geometry packets, or Smelly-Spelly flash cards, please request them. 

Don't forget, the library now has a complete set of Odor Readers available for check-out.  

Murky Memos for teachers are posted every Wednesday.

Monday, May 21, 2018

Elite Correct -

Social media tip...

These days in America you don't want to be taken for an Intellectual and concealing your education is not easy when you use proper grammar.

That's why you should protect yourself with Elite Correct - the app that automatically edits your email and text messages, and replaces "you're" with "your."

Because the simple English contraction you learned in third grade can spell real trouble in these changing times.

Let's say you type:"You're awesome." That could peg you as an Elitist. Not to worry. Elite Correct automatically amends your hoity-toity message to read: "Your awesome," so you don't come across as a pretentious snob or (even worse) a progressive.

Also download Heathen Correct to hide your lack of religion. If you text, "I'm so lucky," Heathen Correct automatically substitutes, "I'm so blessed."

Your welcome.

Friday, May 18, 2018

Drafting Clergy - Papal Surprise #3

From the Vatican...

Due to a worldwide shortage of priests the Vatican will begin drafting catholic men into the priesthood immediately. All confirmed males must register for mandatory ordination at their local parish and start packing for their assignments.

"We've tried to keep God's call to service on a voluntary basis with incentives like allowing married men to join up," explained the pontiff, "but we still have thousands of vacant posts to fill."

Inductees will receive basic training in catholic liturgy and learn about recent updates like the pets going to heaven and contraception being okay now.

Despite the shortage of priests, the pope sees no need to ordain women as long as there is even one man, however unqualified or unwilling, left on the planet.

Next Friday: Papal Surprise #4

Wednesday, May 16, 2018

Most Underrated Teacher - A Murky Memo

In the News...

Murky Vista Elementary School's own Frieda Frupp has been named this year's Most Underrated Teacher. The announcement was made at the District Office where Ms. Frupp was more or less praised by Superintendent P. W. Hambone.

"Ms. Frupp's skills and talents exceed our previous estimation of her worth as an educator," said Hambone, "Although she isn't all that great, Ms. Frupp is somewhat better than most people think."

Ms. Frupp was thrilled to receive a framed Certificate of Reappraisal and a $5 gift card for Starbucks.

Murky Memos for teachers are posted every Wednesday.

Monday, May 14, 2018

Power Thanking -

In the workplace...

Larry and Fred worked as equals in the company's Maintenance Department until one day, out of the blue, Larry said to Fred, "Thank you for doing such a great job."

Instinctively, Fred replied, "You're welcome," and a new pecking order was established with Larry as the first pecker. Larry had discovered Power Thanking.

Soon, Larry began thanking all of his fellow employees. At first they wondered how it was Larry's place to be thanking them, but it was nice to be appreciated so they went along with it, and the more he thanked them, the more it seemed like everybody was working for Larry. Then, one day, they were. 

Larry had thanked his way to the top.


Cecilia - Your readers might want to pick up my new book, Management by Thanking and read the chapter on "Thanking Outside the Box."