Wednesday, April 24, 2019

Fear of Foam -

As it happened...

Scott, the barista at the Cuppa CabaƱa Coffee Corner, was about to make a design in my latte foam when, OMG!!! This guy with a gun bursts into the shop, demands all the money from the till, and runs out the front door!

Scott got a good look so he quickly draws the robber's likeness in my latte foam. Scott hands the cup to me, saying, "Save this for the cops so they can identify him."

Well, I'm still rattled from the guy with a gun. I lift the latte to take a sip. Then OMG!!! and WTF!!! That horrible face is right there in the foam! Staring back at me! I drop the mug but it's too late - the bandit's horrific visage is seared right into my brain, like forever!

And since that day, I tell the baristas to skip the foamy flower shapes. No swans, no Mona Lisas, LOL! Just give my latte a couple of stirs and let it go at that.

Monday, April 22, 2019

Brain Surgery -

The inside story...

Melvin Fobert stepped out of a helicopter and stood up under the aircraft's spinning blades. Two inches were sliced off the top of the man's head, clean as a whistle. 

Surgeons at Murky Memorial replaced nearly a pound of Fobert's lost brain matter with Memory Foam™ and stitched him up. Since then Fobert's ability to recall information has been remarkable.

"It's a huge improvement," says Fobert, "I can't remember the last time I forgot something."

Friday, April 19, 2019

Smelly Methods - A Murky Memo

Helpful reminder...

To: All teachers
From: Dr. Flumsy, Principal
Re: Odor Support

Have you been meeting the needs of your olfactory learners? Please remember to differentiate for every possible learning modality as you plan your daily lessons. That means using Parallel Teaching Strategies for each and every visual, auditory, kinesthetic, and olfactory learner in your classroom.

If you need any olfactory-based materials, such as a Scratch & Sniff science kits, Whiff-O-Math geometry packets, or Smelly-Spelly flash cards, please request them. 

Don't forget, the library now has a complete set of Odor Readers available for check-out.

Wednesday, April 17, 2019

More Than Happy -

On the town...

I asked our waiter to bring some water. He said, “I’d be more than happy to.” Apparently, bringing water doesn’t just make him happy. It makes him more than happy. But I’m left to wonder, how much more? Is he thrilled? Elated? Jubilant? He doesn’t say.

All we know is that he is somewhere beyond happiness. Perhaps he is gleeful, ecstatic, or joyful. Bringing water might make him overjoyed. How much over? We can only guess.

Monday, April 15, 2019

Mundane Man -

In passing...

Barney froze as the grizzly charged right at him. The snarling beast towered above the hapless hunter who now faced certain death.

It was that very moment when Barney realized how sadly uneventful his existence had been up to that point.

Barney's life had been so boring that somebody else's life flashed before his eyes.

Friday, April 12, 2019

Movies on Demand -

Another thing...

My cable TV service offers movies "on-demand." Why do they have to put it that way? I don’t demand things. Does the cable company think I'm pounding my fist on the table and demanding that I get a movie, and that I get it right now?

Sometimes I insist, but I rarely demand, especially when it comes to movies. I might request a movie. Why can’t they offer movies by request? Or movies on a whim?

I say to the cable company: “How about a movie tonight, if it’s not too much trouble? Or I could watch a PBS documentary about duck migration. Whatever works for you.”